It appears the Boston Celtics have decided that playing defense is a mere suggestion rather than a core requirement of professional basketball. If the objective was to give their fanbase heart palpitations before the second quarter even ends, then consider the mission accomplished. The team seems to be operating under the delusion that their offense will magically compensate for a defensive rotation that moves with all the urgency of a sloth on tranquilizers.

When the opponent starts racking up points like they are playing against a stack of traffic cones, you know something has gone horribly wrong in the locker room. Here is a quick breakdown of the usual suspects involved in these defensive fiascos: - The star player who ignores the screen to chase a highlight-reel block. - The bench rotation that turns a ten-point lead into a deficit in ninety seconds.

- The coaching staff currently pretending they haven't noticed the gaping hole in the paint. This recurring performance art piece has become a staple of the NBA calendar. You can set your watch by their tendency to stall out when the pressure hits, leaving spectators to wonder if they are watching a championship contender or a local rec-league squad on a particularly bad day.

Analysts continue to trot out the same tired excuses about team chemistry and grit, but the scoreboard remains the only honest witness in the building. Until they stop treating the paint like a public thoroughfare, they are destined to keep providing these unintentional comedy routines for the league. Will this team ever figure out that basketball is played on both ends of the floor, or are we just waiting for the next inevitable collapse to settle the debate?