It is truly a miracle of modern commerce that we continue to pretend footwear is a revolutionary technology rather than something we simply strap to our feet to avoid stepping on glass. Every autumn, like clockwork, the fashion industrial complex insists that your current pair of shoes is a crime against humanity that demands immediate replacement. This season’s obsession is characterized by proportions so absurd they defy both physics and common sense.

Designers have apparently decided that if the boot doesn't look like a piece of industrial machinery repurposed for a runway, it simply isn't worth the exorbitant price tag. - The return of the square toe, a shape that serves no purpose other than reminding us of the nineties. - Platforms so high they require a pilot’s license to navigate a flight of stairs.

- Materials that promise durability but crumble the moment they encounter a light spring shower. Retailers are currently salivating over the shift in consumer sentiment, rebranding basic functionality as a bold aesthetic choice. They want you to believe that dropping half a paycheck on calf-high leather is an investment in your personal brand.

In reality, it is just a very expensive way to ensure your ankles stay warm while you walk to the subway. We have reached a point where the utility of a shoe is secondary to its ability to go viral on a short-form video app. If the boot cannot be featured in a transition video or spark a heated debate in the comment section, does it even exist?

It seems we have successfully commodified the act of putting on socks and shoes to the point of exhaustion. Since we are collectively obsessed with spending hundreds of dollars to look like we are prepared for a post-apocalyptic hike we will never actually take, when do we admit the ‘hiking chic’ look is just an excuse to avoid running? Perhaps next season we can finally move on to something truly daring, like, say, a shoe that is actually comfortable to wear for more than twenty minutes?

Or are we destined to limp toward the next trend in search of a blister to call our own?