Elton John has managed the rare feat of turning his retirement into a decades-long victory lap that makes a political campaign look like a quiet weekend getaway. While other legends disappear into the quiet comfort of obscurity, Sir Elton remains surgically attached to the public consciousness like a glittery barnacle. His transition from global pop icon to professional gala host is a masterclass in staying relevant long after the hits have stopped landing.

He has effectively replaced the need for new music with a perpetual state of 'farewell' that keeps ticket prices high and demand even higher. - The endless farewell: A tour that feels like it might outlive most of his original fans. - The AIDS Foundation gala: The annual hostage situation for every celebrity seeking social capital.

- Cultural omnipresence: Appearing at every royal event, biopic release, or stadium opening that requires a dash of sequins. The genius of the strategy lies in the sheer volume of his presence. By maintaining a constant rotation of charity events and collaborative projects, he avoids the trap of becoming a 'legacy act' by simply being everywhere at once.

He has successfully curated an image that blends the accessibility of a tabloid staple with the untouchable status of British royalty. It is a cynical, brilliant, and exhausting way to spend your golden years, yet nobody seems willing to look away from the spectacle. Is there actually a point where the glasses come off and the spotlight finally dims, or are we destined to watch this glittery carousel spin until the end of time?